Crushed is a work-in-progress, currently being written in instalments and shared (in part and fully) with readers as it progresses into a novella. Get sneak peeks of each chapter as first-draft, unedited versions! Generous patrons and supporters see each chapter in its entirety, hot off the press, and will also receive a copy of the novella when it’s completed.
This is the second book in a series of three. Broken was the first, its story focused on mental health and suicide awareness.
Crushed tackles the tough subject of voluntary euthanasia and takes the reader on an emotional journey of love, trust and betrayal, with a same-sex family at the center of the story.
Kim and Jasmine, who featured as side-characters in Broken where they first met, have now been together for over ten years. They have an eight-year-old son, Daniel. Their life is idyllic; Jasmine runs a busy plant nursery and Kim is a successful artist. Danny is a good kid, doing well at school. They’re a happy family. One phone call changed all that.
Chapter One
5:00 a.m.
I’ve never killed anyone before.
Kim lay on her back, staring wide-eyed at the ceiling. She’d woken suddenly, gasping for breath, wrapped in beads of cold sweat. The gray pre-dawn light crept in the open window, casting faded shadows on the wall. A gnarled old man with long twiny fingers danced languidly above the bed, as the leafless hickory tree in the garden embraced the gentle morning breeze. A single fat tear rolled down the side of her face. She struggled to calm her breathing. Jaw clenched, heart palpitating, she thought about death.
What happens to people who kill?
Would she be able to live with herself?
Would her family ever forgive her?
Could she go through with it?
There were more questions than answers. In that moment, Kim realized hell was a place on earth. This is where bad people ended up; cast into a tortured inescapable place inside their own heads, reliving their evil deeds over and over, sitting in judgment over themselves, and gradually going insane. She imagined good people couldn’t even comprehend such a place.
Kim focused on her toes, tensing and relaxing. Then, she flexed her feet, just like in her yoga class, working her way up her body, trying to dissolve the tightness in her muscles. Her long fingernails dug sharply into her palms the entire time.
Unable to concentrate on calming herself, Kim rolled her head to one side. Beside her, Jasmine slept peacefully. Daniel curled into her body. He must have crept into their bed sometime during the night. Though she’d barely slept, she hadn’t noticed him come in. At eight, he still liked to sleep with his mothers. She gazed into his slumberful face, a picture of innocence and promises. She resisted the urge to reach over and twirl her fingers though his curly hair. She didn’t want to wake him. Not yet. Kim couldn’t bare for him to see her distraught face right now. On a normal day, she could lose herself in his dark trusting eyes, gazing into her face as if worshiping a goddess. Today, there was nothing to idolize. She was evil personified. She had agreed to commit murder.
What if, in the future, he found out she’d taken someone’s life? He would never look at her the same way again. She didn’t know if she could ever look at herself again.
Kim’s gaze traveled slowly from Daniel’s tangled hair and sprawled limbs to Jasmine’s resting face. It was gorgeous. Kim loved her smooth dark skin, full lips, and pert nose. Her long curly locks lay splashed across the pillow, tendrils reaching out in all directions. A thin strand of wiry curls fell over her cheek as she breathed into the back of Daniel’s head. For ten years, Kim had woken to this portrait of perfection, taking a few moments each morning to thank the universe for the gift of Jasmine.
She recalled the first time they had laid eyes on each other, the night of Emily’s birthday party. They’d gone to a Mexican restaurant to celebrate. She and Jasmine, foreheads touching for most of the meal, had hardly registered Djordan and Emily’s presence. It had been love at first sight. At this memory, the shadow of a smile played on Kim’s lips. She had never known such happiness, never imagined it was possible. From the night they had met, Kim had been grateful.
Today was no different. Their love was unconditional. They had never kept secrets from each other. This was a first. Kim hadn’t figured out how to share this impossible burden weighing down her heavy heart. How could she tell her? She imagined the awful, twisted words stumbling from her tongue.
I’m going to kill someone today.
Chapter Two
6:00 a.m.
Jasmine’s eyes opened slowly. Her legs stretched out under the covers. She looked over at Daniel curled into her embrace, and glanced past his sleeping face to Kim’s. She inhaled deeply.
Look at them.
They’re gorgeous.
I love these people.
She never tired of looking at them, being with them. Momentarily, she forgot her ire of the previous night. Sprawled across half of the bed, with one arm draped over Daniel, Kim snored lightly. Jasmine didn’t move. She gazed at her family, heart overflowing with love. Jasmine felt a twinge of regret for letting her frustration get the better of her. She couldn’t stay mad at Kim. Ten years ago, they had promised each other to never go to sleep angry. Last night, for the first time, she’d broken that rule. She had been way out of line. It was obvious Kim had been struggling with something lately. Jasmine knew she would share whatever it was when she was ready. It wasn’t fair to put pressure on her.
I’ve been selfish.
Kim needs some space.
Daniel muttered and shifted in his sleep. Jasmine ran a finger through his curls. Kim snuffled and turned over. Jasmine peeked at the clock on the side table. For a moment, she debated whether to get up or stay in bed for a while longer. She relaxed. Her arms wrapped themselves around her son’s warm body. She basked in this moment of happiness. The rest of the world could wait.
The sound of scuffles came from the kitchen. Bowie and Freddy were wrestling. This was their early morning routine. They chased each other around the apartment, leaping over the furniture, forgetting the rules about not getting on top of the benches, only stopping to rid themselves of some unseen speck of dust they’d missed on the previous grooming spree before pouncing on each other once again. Bowie was a ginger cat, with a flash marked across his face. He practically named himself. Freddy had a thick black mustache, a sleek black coat and a white face. He liked to sing, yowling at the top of his voice while he pranced around the living room.
Kim had picked up both cats at an animal rescue center two years ago. They’d both been abused as kittens. Bowie was lucky to be alive. His mother and four siblings hadn’t been so lucky. Freddy had been found sick and starving, and with his whiskers cut off; a cruel prank some horrible kids thought was funny. The shelter staff had saved their lives, then put them together to keep each other company. After their first night together, they were inseparable. Vaccinated and sterilized, they were about to be put up for adoption when Kim walked in looking for a puppy for her son.
“Who are these lovely kittens?” Kim asked the shelter manager.
She put her fingers through the mesh of the cage and wiggled them. Both kittens immediately came over to play with her.
“We didn’t get around to naming them yet,” the woman said. She opened the top of the cage and reached in to pick up the ginger kitten.
“Well this one is obviously David Bowie!” laughed Kim. “Look at that flash!” She took the kitten from the manager and gently scratched around his ears. His purrs filled the room.
“That’s a good name for him. Bowie.”
“And this one is Freddy Mercury. Look at his lovely ‘stache!”
“I like it. Bowie and Freddy it is, then.”
“I’ll take them,” said Kim, surprising herself.
Books By Roni 